Just to warn you in advance, at some point I WILL post something that offends you. When that happens, I'd just like you to know that I really don't feel sorry about it at all.
Anonymous asked: best pickup line?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm’d;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
Anonymous asked: Tell us a joke please.
A man dies and he finds himself in a hotel room. It’s a fairly nice hotel room. On the wall, there is a sign that reads “Welcome to Hell.” The man looks out the window and sees a nine-hole golf course. He turns on the T.V. and they have a decent cable package. And then there is a knock on the door.
The man opens the door and none other than the Devil himself is standing there. He’s wearing a nice suit and tells the man “Hey, welcome to Hell. If you’d like to come down stairs, I’ve got a golf cart and I can show you around.”
The man follows Satan to the golf cart parked outside and they begin driving around. Satan shows the man around the golf course and they pass by a few nice restaurants.
“You know,” says the man, “this is pretty nice, considering it’s supposed to be Hell.”
Satan says, “Yeah… well… Heaven has an 18 hole golf course… and the restaurants are nicer.”
They continue to drive along some more and then the man notices something off in the distance. He sees a dark cloud over a pit of fire with thousands of screams of agony coming from it.
The man asks Satan, “Hey… uh… what’s that?”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Satan says. “We built it for the Catholics. They insisted on it.”
In honor of the third annual Everybody Draw Mohammed Day.
you can listen to any song… and the stick figure will dance to the beat. mind blown.
WITCHCRAFT!
(via cantstopthabeat)
Anonymous asked: fucking what the fuck. you know what the fucking answer is going to be. fucking brooke. duh. motherfuck.
Hey, someone might have a dissenting opinion. I was curious what I’d get.
“You + _______ = Cutest couple ever”
(via brooklynne-backwards)
Anonymous asked: 3 9 12 15 16
3. My first major injury was that I broke both my wrists in the 6th grade on a Razor scooter.
I don’t think it counts as an actual “injury” but the biggest medical problem I’ve ever had was pneumothorax. My lung collapsed twice last year.
9. Well, DnD marathon in Tahoe with some buddies, Disneyland, auditions for “Into the Woods” at the community theatre. Probably have more stuff planned, that just what I remember off the top of my head.
12. There was a Battle of the Bands/Night on the Quad at my school. Didn’t win the battle, but whatever. After that, hung out with Westley for a while, then went to go hang out with Brooke. Went to Denny’s, went on a walk. Ended up taking a nap at the park until fucking 3 in the morning. Walked home tired as shit. Collapsed on my bed. Didn’t wake up until 1 o’clock today.
15. Honestly, a towel. I just got out of the shower.
16. Brooke. Childhood memories.
